the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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