Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
