he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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