Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize