k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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