I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
