Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
