You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
