I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
