I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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