apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
