Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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