Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize