You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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