before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
