Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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