Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
