I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
