There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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