Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
