Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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