Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
