I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
