When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
