I puked a lego.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
