He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
