I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
