Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
