I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
