So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
