You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Enjoy the penises
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
