I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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