Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to make a zoo with you.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
