Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize