Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
