Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
