My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
