I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
