Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
