After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
