What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
