who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
