just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize