how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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