I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize