she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
