How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
