Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
