she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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