she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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