Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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