It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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