Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
operation harelip BJ is a go
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
