There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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