I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
