cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
