a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
