in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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