yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
