Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
