I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are leaves in my underwear?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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