Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
