New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
