I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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