I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
