I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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