like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
