btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
